The way we handle conflict can either bring us together for a closer relationship or alienate us permanently. Poor communication skills, disagreements and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance, or a path to better friends and a more fulfilling life. These points could help us create a more positive atmosphere during conflict.
Do not bring up past history when you are dealing with the present problems. This just clouds the issue and makes the whole discussion harder to solve. Bringing up past hurts makes the defensive walls go up and then communicating may shut down. Stay in the present, only talk about your feelings, and work on understanding the other person and finding a solution. Make a deal with yourself that you will always start your sentence with “I” and never with “you” as in “You are always late for work.” Statements such as this will make the walls come up, and openness will grind to a standstill.
So, doesn’t it make sense that the most important action to take during a conflict is to listen? We all want to be heard, but someone has to listen! Try to see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. Keep asking questions until you fully understand the other side. This makes the other person feel that you really are hearing them. If you try to hear the other side, then you can better explain yours. This is where asking questions is a very effective way to increase understanding.
The old saying “It takes two to fight” is probably true in most cases, so when you are in a conflict and someone comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they are wrong and to get defensive. It is going to be a great help if you can see why that person is having such feelings. Look for any truth in what he or she is saying and use it to take responsibility for what is going on. This will lead you both to a mutual understanding and a solution to the problem.
